


What Makes an Angel Fly

by orphan_account



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angel!Felix - Freeform, Angel!Hyunjin - Freeform, Angel!Woojin - Freeform, Angels, Angst, Bromance, Character Growth, Depression, Emotional Manipulation, Fluff, Friends to family, Homelessness, Homophobia, I promise there'll be fluff, Internalized Homophobia, Lost children, OT8, Recovery, Strangers to Family, angel!Jisung, angel!bangchan, angel!changbin, angel!jeonin, angel!minho, angel!seungmin, idk how to tag my dudes...., kind of guardian angels?, messed up timeline, so much bromance guys, the posterboys for character development
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-04
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:00:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22091452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: "Can i ask you a question?""Anything.""What do you think makes an angel fly?"Before a chosen soul can become a guardian angel it must pass a series of tests, the last one being the hardest. To protect a life one must first discover the value a life and to do that one must live it.Eight soul are sent down to earth with no memory of why they're there or what they're supposed to do.Tags may be added so please check them out if you have specific triggers!!!
Comments: 6
Kudos: 20





	1. Crash Landing

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Greetings! Welcome!  
> This is the first real fic i've written in literally forever so please forgive my awkwardness heheh  
> Fun fact: I am cripplingly perfectionistic and that's actually partly why i decided to write this fic. I'm not going to spend all of my time stressing over every sentence and word choice in this story, but rather i'm trying to enjoy writing and what better way to enjoy writing than sharing it with others?
> 
> Also if you like listening to music while you read: this is the playlist I listen to when I'm writing!  
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6oeOGbP6upgv9kQqXmsnGK?si=7myxIAo9S8q6OZX7tHFvIA

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Introduction: Felix

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't BETAd by anyone but me - a dyslexic - so if you see any mistakes pls hmu!

**Friday 20.01.03 9.16pm**

“Thank you for tuning in today guys and shoutout to Seungkimmie00 for subbing, you’re the best. See you - hopefully - tomorrow!”, Felix kept waving at the camera until the camera cut off and let out the sigh he'd been keeping for the past hour. Might as well have been his entire life. 

The music from the game he’d been playing on stream was still playing in the background, fleeting around the rugged room like some mismatched soundtrack. Felix stared into the only source of light in the cramped one-room apartment - the bright computer screen that still had a small crack in the bottom corner the previous owner had somehow managed to put there. It wasn’t the best monitor but it allowed him to play games and stream, that’s just what he needed. It wasn't like he got a lot of money from steaming but that wasn't the important part anyways. He just wanted an escape from reality and having people to join in was an added bonus.

Sometimes Felix would allow himself to dream of a future where he’d be able to afford his dream set-up on a desk that didn’t double as his kitchen table and a real gaming chair as opposed to the office chair with busted wheels he’d found secondhand. Empathis on the _dream_ part. It could never be anything more than that. Those who say you can get anything you want if you work hard enough are liars, Felix knew that first hand.

“See you tomorrow if I don’t die of starvation before then.”

The screen went black.

**Friday 20.01.03 9.50pm**

“Hey Yongbok, you’re on time today! Never thought I’d see the day!” 

Minho’s ability to sound so cheerful yet soulless at the same time never failed to amaze Felix. Before he got to know the other better he genuinely thought Minho hated him. 

“Hey, to you too Minho. I thought I told you not to call me that”, Felix muttered as he tied his apron around his waist. 

The only good thing about working in a tiny 24/7 coffee shop was that they were allowed to wear pretty much anything as long as they had their apron on over it. Naturally Felix always wore some version of his signature all black outfit while Minho looked like he came straight out of a drama with the amount of pretty outfits he threw together. How he could afford all those new clothes with the salary they got from the coffee shop was yet another thing about Minho that amazed Felix. 

“Don’t be so rude. If you don’t want to be called Yongbok why’d you put it on your name tag?”, Minho didn’t look up from the latte he was making but Felix had been around his co-worker enough to hear the playful smile in his voice. They’d had this conversation a hundred times before and it always ended the same way:

“Because dumb-asses like you can’t pronounce Felix correctly.”

Minho’s threw his head back and his laughter bounced off the coffee cups. 

It had only been a month since Minho started working at the coffee shop but already they got along like they'd been around each other for years. Granted, Felix was always careful not to get too close to anyone. Perhaps the reason the two of them got on so well was that Minho did the same. Both of them were comfortable with the boundaries they’d set and they trusted each other enough to know they wouldn’t be overstepped. 

They worked smoothly together. Minho took charge of putting together the orders and Felix took the register. In a way they complement one another. While Felix was a natural when it came to customers and friendly conversations he got stressed and easily messed up when making the drinks and putting together orders. Minho on the other hand was a natural barista, after just one week he’d already surpassed Felix who’d been working there for almost a year now. He put together orders faster than any other worker in the coffee shop but would rather hang back and not interact directly with the customers. Not because he didn’t like people, Felix had come to understand, but rather because he preferred to observe from a distance. He was like a cat, keeping track of the situation from above without engaging. Others might find it strange and antisocial, Felix found it endearing. 

Felix actually didn't mind his job. It was one of the only options he had since he never graduated high school and considering how well it paid and the amount of hours he could get in, the coffee shop was great. It really was. But still, he couldn’t stop the sudden pangs of envy when customers his age came in with their friends to order one of the grand new drinks and delicious desserts. It was always at those times his body decided to remind him how many hours it had been since his last real meal and proper sleep. The younger customers tended to tip generously though. Like recognises like. 

**Friday 20.01.03 11.55pm**

“When do you get off today, Felix?”, Minho asked from the other side of their work space. He was putting together one last order before clocking out for the day.

“I get off at 4am”,Felix cringed at the words. 10pm to 4am wasn’t the worst hours he’d worked but still, it wasn’t very nice.

“Oh damn that’s rough” Minho muttered as he inspected his work. It was one of the new items on the menu; a chocolate, caramel and fudge latte with sea-salt and hazelnuts. A bit over the top if you asked Felix.

“At least I don’t start until 7pm tomorrow so I’ll get to sleep”, Felix took the tray with the order and started carrying it out to the costumer.

“As if you’re not gonna spend all that free time streaming, you nerd”

Even if Minho was right Felix would never admit it. 

**Saturday 20.01.04 2.12am**

If you work between 12am and 4pm in the coffee shop, you work alone. It was obvious why, there weren’t many customers and having more workers meant paying out more salary. But still, it was lonely.

Felix would clean all the counters, wipe all the tables and do all the dishes yet still have nothing to do but wait for customers to leave their tables or new customers to arrive. 

It was at these times Felix started trying to recall his dreams. See, Felix always dreamt but he seldom remembered anything except for the fact that he had most definitely dreamt _something_. Something that felt important. He wasn’t one to believe in omens and deeper meanings behind dreams but if dreams are a part of our subconscious expressing itself - isn’t it good if you listen?

But no matter how hard he tried to remember what he dreamt it always slipped away from him. The only things he knew for sure were: his dreams were recurring, they were based off of memories and that whatever memories they were - they were happy ones. The only problem was that when Felix tried to recall any memory positive enough to come even remotely close to the feeling his dreams gave him, he came up empty handed. 

Every time he woke up from one of his dreams he’d be filled with an overpowering warmth that filled his entire body and every time that warmth turned to ice when he opened his eyes so that reality could set in. 

If only he could remember his dreams then maybe he wouldn’t feel so lonely. Maybe if he had just one happy memory untouched by the claws of his demons he’d be able to find some warmth in the waking world as well.

_Maybe I should just get back to work instead of imagining something that’ll never happen._

Feeling like you're alone in the world is not an unusual thing, Felix knew that. However he also knew that finding people who can truly relate to you _is_ unusual. 

What he didn't know though, was that out there there were seven souls who felt just like him. Astray and alone in a life they didn't choose for themselves. All he had to do was find them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading the first chapter! Hmu if you liked it and why not tell me why if you didn't? Nothing wrong with a little constructive criticism.  
> I don't know how long i'll take for the next update but it's in the works so it shouldn't be too long! <3


	2. Awaken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Introduction: Changbin

**Saturday 20.01.04 02.15am**

Seo Changbin wasn’t an anxious person

That being said he was currently very anxious. He had procrastinated his course work to the point of now having to write an entire song the night before it was due. It wasn’t that he’d consciously pushed it until now, he just couldn’t focus. Every time he sat down to write his mind only distracted him and the assignment itself was confusing. Who the hell sets a deadline on a Saturday anyway?

‘ _Make a song that evokes nostalgia in the listener’ - Could you be more cryptic?_

Writing songs wasn't a new concept for Changbin, it was the opposite. He was always working on songs with his friends and now roommates Chan and Jisung. Together they could get 10 songs done in a day. The problem was that he had to write a song _alone_ the night before it was due. Changbin was a perfectionist and especially writing lyrics was a meticulous and slow process for him. Having his friends with him during the process helped him relax and the two extra sets of ears made it easier to root out what was actually bad or what was just Changbin’s perfectionist brain spooking. 

He forgot how many times he'd cursed himself and his bad attention span by the time he'd packed up his stuff and made his way over to the neighbourhood’s 24/7 coffee shop. At least he didn't have to actually record the song - just write it. Which again, wouldn't be a problem if he was actually capable of writing songs that fast. 

If only he could be more like Jisung… Jisung could write a verse in a minute without breaking a sweat. Or if he had Chan’s focus he wouldn’t be in this mess in the first place. Changbin had never met someone with such an unwavering devotion to his work as Chan. 

“Hello! Welcome to the Cozy Coffee Cup!”, a deep voice called when Changbin entered into the (indeed very cosy) coffee shop.

He looked around but couldn’t see the owner of the voice anywhere. Amongst tables of different shapes and sizes and bulky sofas paired with mismatched armchairs there were only three other customers. Two looked like they were on their way home from the club and another looked like they hadn’t slept since last year. 

Slow music was playing from the speakers and the lighting was warm and soft. How had Changbin never been here before? The calm nature of the shop was exactly the kind of atmosphere he needed. Usually he’d work at home but Chan and Jisung had just gotten back from a late shift and he didn’t want to disturb them by staying up while they tried to sleep. This place was perfect. 

Changbin slid his backpack onto one shoulder and made his was to the display disk to look at the cakes they served. He didn't particularly like sweets but he loved looking at them. 

The glass display had rows and rows that went almost all the way to the floor. Sometimes he wished he was a cake person like Jisung so that he could enjoy the treats more than just aesthetically. Changbin bent down to see the rest of the treats and almost had a heart attack when a head suddenly shot up behind on the other side of the glass.

_Doe eyes, cheeks of stars._

Changbin stumbled backwards and fell to the ground, thankfully clutching the bag containing his laptop to his chest. 

“Oh my god”!, the same deep voice from earlier exclaimed. The person behind the glass shot up and ran around the disk to where Changbin was still too shocked to get up from the floor, “I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to scare you, I didn’t know anyone was on the other side of the display, are you okay? I’m-”

The boy kept rambling but Changbin couldn’t focus on a word he was saying. He’d seen this boy before. I _knew_ this boy but he had no idea who he was. How could you be so sure of a person when you don’t even know their name? 

“-your head? Are you okay? Sir?”

Changbin realised too late he’d been staring straight at the boy’s face without saying anything for way too long. He hadn’t even taken the opportunity to really take in all of his features. The big round eyes, the cute nose, heart shaped lips and hundreds of freckles. He looked so young but at the same time his voice was so low he must be about the same age as Changbin. He wondered how low it could go. Had he ever tried singing? Okay, so, maybe taking in his features was exactly what he’d been doing...

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine don’t worry”, Changbin started getting up on his own but the boy grabbed his elbow to keep him steady. 

“I’m so sorry do you need anything? Like an icepack or- uuh like fuck- an ambulance?”

Changbin was tempted to flick the boy’s forehead for all the ridiculous worry but perhaps that was a tad bit too familiar of a gesture for someone you’ve only (allegedly) met 2 minutes ago. He opted for a:

“Dude, stop. I fell to the ground, not from the sky”

The boy’s ears turned so red they glowed against his black hair, “I- okay, yeah”, he shoved his hands into the pocket of his apron, “at least let me give you a cup of coffee or something on the house”.

Seo Changbin saying no to free coffee? Now that was unheard of.

**Saturday 20.01.04 02.28am**

The boy - “Yongbok” according to his name tag - was making a, extra big cup of coffee as Changbin looked around for the best place to sit. There seemed to be an outlet by every wall seat so the only question was if he wanted a seat with a window view or coffee shop view. Without thinking too much, he decided to get seated in one of the sofas towards back with a view of the whole coffee shop. It was a deep blue that looked almost black in the dimmed light that enveloped the back of the shop. It was only when he’d put up his computer and gotten comfortable that he realised he’d seated himself so that Yongbok had the perfect view of him from the counter as he worked. 

Changbin moved to change seats but saw Yongbok carrying out his drink on a wooden tray. He tried to look busy and not fidget so much but he never was a good actor.

He wanted to ask if they’d met before. He wanted to ask why he knew Yongbok had a freckle shaped like a heart below his right eye. He wanted to ask-

“Are you here to study?”, Yongbok put down the big steaming cup of black coffee far enough from the computer so that it wouldn’t accidentally be knocked over.

Changbin looked up to thank him and didn’t miss the longing look Yongbok gave his laptop. It had been his gift when he turned 20 just a couple of months ago. He knew he was spoiled and he always felt like a nasty show-off whenever he brought it out with him but it times like these it couldn’t be helped. Changin tugged the laptop closer to himself, “Ah no- i mean yes i’m here to do school work but I wouldn't really call it studying”.

_What kind of freaking explanation is, that Seo Changbin?_

Yongbok let out a polite chuckle and leant down to stage a whisper, “don’t worry, I won’t tell if I see you slacking”, he let out a bright laugh and turned to leave, “Good luck Changbin!”

_Changbin?_

Had he told Yongbok his name? Maybe when he’d been out of it after falling? No, he would’ve remembered that for sure. Changbin shook his head and picked up his coffee cup. It was late and he was stressed, he must be getting delusional. Time to get some work done. 

**Saturday 20.01.04 3.05am**

He couldn't get any work done. He had some kind of melody and a somewhat working beat but when it came to the lyrics he was lost. The song had to be written and be ready to be recorded in five hours and there he was - an inspirationless lump of a man. He tried just writing whatever came to mind and ended up with a shopping list. When he tried to spin off from other songs he'd written it just felt wrong. He even tried keyboard-smashing on his laptop to see if anything ended up as words. With a sigh Changbin slumped back against the plush sofa. He needed some inspiration ASAP. 

"Can I get you something?" 

If it weren't for the fact that he was already sitting Changbin would've fallen to the floor again. Yongbok was suddenly next to his table with a shy smile. His hair had gotten in his eyes and he was hiding his hands in the sleeves of his sweater. Changbin almost forgot to speak but that didn’t mean it went well when he actually did.

“Some inspiration maybe?”

_That is not the kind of thing you say to a person you’ve just met but okay, Changbin._

Yongbok shifted on the spot and wrangled his sleeves some more, “what kind of inspiration do you need?”

Changbin dragged his eyes away from Yongbok and down to the mess he’d made on the table. He had notes from three different notebooks, pens and scraps of paper everywhere and his laptop was drowning in the middle of it. 

“Song lyrics”, he muttered, “It’s for my class tomorrow and I seriously have no inspiration.”

Yongbok looked around the shop to see if he was needed by anyone despite Changbin being the only customer at the moment, “Do you mind if I sit?”

If Changbin was taken aback by the question he didn’t let it show, “Yeah, sure sure let me just-”

Some notebooks in a backpack and pencils on the ground later Yongbok was seated in the dark green armchair on the other side of the table.

“What kind of song is it?” Yongbok kept fiddling with the sleeves of his sweater and Changbin kept being distracted by it.

“It’s rap but the assignment is to make a song that evokes nostalgia”, Changbin explained, “I usually make music more on the, uh, dark and aggressive side, so this is already a challenge.”

Yongbok raised an eyebrow, “I wouldn't have tagged you as the ‘dark and aggressive’ type”

Changbin honestly didn’t know how to respond to that. He was _always_ tagged at the ‘ _dark and aggressive_ ’ type. Not that he minded but others always saw him as someone you wouldn’t want to piss off.

“Then what type _would_ you tag me as?”, Changbin asked.

Yongbok hummed and slid down further in the armchair, “I hope this doesn’t come off as mean or anything but you seem kind of… soft?”

“Is that a statement or a question?”, Changbin mirrored Yongbok’s raised eyebrow from earlier and got a blushing boy in return.

“I don’t know? I mean I don’t know you but you seem like the kind of person who’s really soft and sweet once you get to know them.”

Now Changbin really didn’t know how to respond. He just stared back at the boy on the other side of the table. The boy with a heart shaped freckle Changbin had never seen but could point out in a heartbeat. The boy whom he never told his name and was currently reading him better than anyone had in years.

“Oh my god, I’m sorry, I overstepped. I’ll let you get back to work!”, Yongbok shot up of the armchair and sped back to the counter before Changbin could even open his mouth to tell him it was fine. 

“How do you know my name?”

**Saturday 20.01.04 3.27am**

After the conversation with Yongbok something clicked in Changbin. He took up his pen and lyrics poured onto the pages like a waterfall. He didn’t understand what he was writing about but it was lyrics so he wouldn't stop. It was like the warmth of the coffee shop had soaked through his body and thawed the wall that had been blocking his inspiration. Changbin wasn’t one usually feel nostalgic but right now he was overcome with it. 

**Saturday 20.01.04 4.38am**

Channgbin slumped back in the sofa and stretched his arms over his head. One hour. He’d finished writing the lyrics to his song in just over one hour. That had to be some kind of record. 

He still didn’t completely understand his own lyrics but he knew for sure they were good and they were more than nostalgic. How he had written something so drenched in a feeling that was so alien to him, Changbin didn’t understand, but he had a feeling he owed it to Yongbok. It wasn’t until after their conversation that Changbin had been able to write a single cohesive bar. He needed to thank him. 

Changbin sat up straight to look around for him but instead of black doe eyes he met almond and hazel. While Changbin had been emerged in writing Yonbok had already clocked out for the night. 

Changbin stifled a yawn. It was time he did the same. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote most of this in the middle of the night while i was sleep-deprived and i think it shows hahah  
> Feel free to hmu on twitter btw!!!! @chrystallix ~~


	3. The Art of Breathing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Introduction - Seungmin

**Saturday 20.01.04 8.15am**

**You:**

Hey, Changbin. Did you finish your assignment on time? <

 **Changbin** :

Yeah only just

went to a 24/7 coffee shop and worked until 4am lmao

Seungmin huffed and placed his phone on the kitchen table next to his textbook.

Changbin had always been like this. He left assignments to the last minute and ended up pulling all nighters to get them done. He did it in middle-school and continued doing it in college. Seungmin knew he should trust his friend more, especially seeing as Changbin was the older of the two, but he still felt responsible to keep track of Changbin even after he’d graduating high-school. 

The two of them had met in kindergarten because their mothers were close and they lived in the same neighborhood. Playdate after playdate they grew closer and eventually when their mothers had a falling out and stopped speaking Changbin was still walking Seungmin to school every day. They’d gone to the same school, one year apart, all the way to college. They didn’t live in the same part of town anymore but the habit of talking every day was still there. 

**You:**

Wait why are you awake? 

Didn't you turn it in already? 

**Changbin:**

.....

**You:**

You haven't gone to bed yet, have you? 

**Changbin:**

I will neither confirm nor deny

**You** :

Changbin... 

**Changbin** :

When i got home Chan was already up and he had a great idea for a song so we stayed up until now working on it

It's too late to sleep now i'll just chug some more coffee or smth lmao

Ridiculous **.** That's what Changbin was. He didn't take care of himself even if he had the possibility to. Not that Seungmin had much been much better lately...

Just last night he'd been so anxious he'd ended up on twitch watching a streamer play PUGB for hours on end to distract himself. The boy he'd found - Lixie - had a way of speaking that was just so relaxing Seungmin didn't need to understand the game - or games in general really - to enjoy it. 

He’d never been one for games or sports, except for baseball. He’d played when he was younger but as academics grew in importance he gave it up so that he wouldn’t be distracted from school. He knew it had been the right decision but sometimes he wondered what his life would be like if he hadn’t stopped playing. Surely he wouldn’t have graduated high-school at the top of his year and gone on to study law.

Seungmin was proud of what he’d achieved but he always had an itch. An itch telling him to do more, work harder, reach farther. He longed for the day he could move out, get his own place, graduate and finally start this career. He _knew_ that’s when the itch would finally be gone for good, he could feel it. Until that day he would keep working hard, looking out for himself and keep his eyes forward. 

“Seungmin, honey?”, his mother’s voice called from the sitting room. She had a special way of calling his name that made it sound like a question but he knew that it was an order no matter what she said. That’s the kind of person she was.

Seungmin pushed out his chair and shuffled his way to the next room. It was best not to leave her waiting. 

"Yes, mother?" Seungmin tried to keep his tone cheerful even though he knew exactly how this conversation was going to go. 

"I just checked your school portal. Would you please explain your latest exam results?", her tablet was resting neatly on her lap and true to her words the result from his last exam was out for all the world to see. The bold 98% was louder than any words she could throw at him. 

"I'm sorry, mother", Seungmin's voice came out muted, barely a whisper. 

"I'm not looking for an apology, I want an explanation", his mother spit out. She made the screen go black and let out a sigh, "Either way it isn't me you should be apologising to. It is _your_ future on the line, not mine."

She said it as if they weren't one and the same. Seungmin was the heir to his parents law firm. Since the day he was born he'd known what his life would look like. He had the privilege of not having to find a purpose for himself but he also carried the burden of his family's legacy on his shoulders. 

"I was distracted and made some stupid mistakes. It won't happen again", Seungmin straightened his back as he spoke. The Kim family held themselves high even in the face of failure. 

"Good. I don't want to see a result under 100 again. You're better than that." 

And that was that. She went back to reading whatever article she’d been reading on her tablet and Seungmin was left standing my her side. 

It was 8.30am and he had already disappointed his mother today.

The itch grew stronger for every second.

**Saturday 20.01.04 1.57pm**

"I'm sorry I won't make it to the library today. I promised to meet a friend, I haven't seen him in forever", Hyunjin's voice filled Seungmin’s bedroom through the phone. 

Since they'd met in the psychology class Seungmin was taking on top his obligatory courses they'd been studying together every Saturday afternoon. Hyunjin was the only person of the same age in the class and having someone to study with had been nice. Usually Seungmin worked alone but having a study partner had come with surprisingly many perks. For one, they always had one of the small tables for themselves and whenever one of them stumbled on a question the other was there to help. Being able to go through the topics of upcoming group discussions had also proved to be very helpful. Seungmin had aced every exam this term. 

"I understand", Seungmin tried not to sound disappointed but obviously he wasn't a very good actor because Hyunjin answered

"We can reschedule for tomorrow if you want?" 

It was a nice gesture but tomorrow Seungmin had an important company dinner with his parents firm so he politely declined the offer. 

"Alright then. See you next class Seungmin!" 

Seungmin was already making up a study schedule for the rest of the day when he answered, "See you next class, Hyunjin.” 

**Saturday 20.01.04 4.28pm**

The itch was too strong. He was restless. He couldn’t focus. He needed to focus. 

**Saturday 20.01.04 6.58pm**

Push it down, push it down, push it down. 

**Sunday 20.01.05 0.14am**

_I can’t breathe._

**Sunday 20.01.05 0.18am**

On the top of the apartment building Seungmin lived in, there was a garden. It was unkempt, wild, _mundane_ , and for some reason no one ever came up there. Seungmin loved it. 

The rooftop was Seungmin’s secret safe haven. It was the one place he never let himself drown in work and worry. It was the one place he allowed himself to do the things he couldn't afford to think of otherwise. It was the one place he allowed himself to sing. 

No one knew he sang. Even Seungmin himself didn’t know if he was any good at it, all he knew what that he loved it. Singing was like breathing underwater. It was like flying over mountains and breathing the cleanest air in the universe. That’s why he could only do it there. Alone on the rooftop with no one around to confirm it was real.

Sometimes when he was too stressed out he wouldn’t even sing. He’d just sit on the bench in the circle of sprawling rose bushes and lean into the nipping night breeze. Seungmin’s theory was that he’d filled the space with so much calm energy he’d charged the garden up like a battery he could tap into whenever he needed it. Just like now.

The itch was worse than ever. He’d been studying all day, barely moving and not eating. It wasn’t unusual but the added stress of not being able to meet Hyunjin had really gotten to him. The other boy wasn’t even a close friend - just an acquaintance - but Seungmin had gotten dangerously attached.

_Push it down, push it down_

The night sky was clear for the first time of the new decade and the full moon filled the garden with a silver glow. Or maybe it was just the millions of lights from the streets of Seoul. Perhaps it was both.

**Sunday 20.01.05 2.03am**

Seungmin didn’t know for how long he’d been sitting in the garden but he was finally beginning to feel a little better. He was also beginning to feel numb from the cold even through his thick winter coat. He was just about to push himself up from the bench when he heard it - the soft whisper of a song.

It was too weak to be from the garden, it must be the neighbouring rooftop. They were close enough that on windless days voices could carry from one building to the other. 

Seungmin didn’t know the song being sung and he couldn’t make out the lyrics but he could tell whoever was singing, was singing of heartbreak. 

Today seemed to be a rough day for more people than just Seungmin. 


	4. Fresh starts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeongin - introduction

**Monday 20.01.06 9.43am**

School trips apparently didn’t end in middle-school. To say Jeongin unhappy about that fact would be a cruel understatement. Field trips were the worst. They were the bane of his existence and they always had been. Right now though - they were pure hell.

It was one thing to be the lone weirdo in school were you could just pretend to be focused on your studies. It was another thing entirely to be the lone weirdo in public. 

"Attention everyone!", the teacher Jeongin couldn't remember the name of squeaked, "You're free to wander about and explore the campus and interview students now. Just be back by the meeting spot at eleven!" 

The students immediately started grouping together with their friends and deciding where to wander off to, leaving Jeoning to fend for himself. They didn't even have the decency to pretend they weren't freezing him out or even spare him a glance. Actually Jeoning had a feeling it was the opposite. They were making a show of turning their backs to him. 

"You don't have to go in groups. It's okay to go alone too!", the teacher called out half-heartedly. She was just about loud enough for it not to be an all too obvious peak and Jeongin.

"Great", Jeoning muttered. He was at the biggest university in Seoul, the biggest city in South Korea and he was all alone.  _ Great _ . 

**Monday 20.01.06 10.05am**

On top of being alone at the biggest university in Seoul, the biggest city in South Korea, Jeoning was now also  _ lost _ . 

He had walked about and tried to look busy for a while without really paying attention to his surroundings, just doing his best to avoid his classmates and the curious looks from college students. Apparently he'd done an amazing job because wherever he was, he was the only person there.  _ Fantastic _ . 

The place he’d ended up at seemed to be some kind of botanical garden. I was like stepping into a different dimension. All the noises from the campus were too far away to reach and the exhaust fumes were swept away by a fresh gust of January wind. There were rows of rose bushes and tunnels being climbed by some kind of vine. Jeongin walked past a miniature labyrinth overgrown with weeds and a pond keeping a fountain hostage in the ice. Winter had long since lulled all the plants to sleep and stolen their flowers but everywhere he looked there was an echo of a beautiful, blooming summer. 

Even if it was in the middle of winter Jeongin found it strange that there was no one around. Had this been in Busan there would definitely be students mulling around, trying to soak up some sunlight and fresh air or just enjoying some peace and quiet away from the bustling campus and city roads. Yet there was no one. 

"Oh! This is a surprise,” a voice exclaimed behind him. 

Okay, so apparently not  _ no one _ .

Jeongin whipped around to see who the voice belonged to and found himself face to face with a beaming smile. 

"I've never seen anyone but me here. This is a surprise!", the boy continued. He had a bag slung over his shoulder and a chunky brown scarf wrapped around his neck. If the boy hadn’t pushed it down a bit the scarf probably would’ve covered half his face. It looked extremely warm was probably to make up for the obviously insufficient leather jacket the boy had chosen to wear instead of a proper winter coat.  _ Ridiculous. _

"Hello", Jeongin nodded his head at the stranger. He didn't look much older than Jeoning but he was obviously attending college - ergo he was older. Surely not by much though…

The boy didn't reciprocate the greeting, instead he tilted his head to the side and asked, "You're not from around here are you?" 

Since coming to Seoul almost two months ago Jeongin has tried to hide his Busan dialect but it has proved harder than he expected. 

He shrugged and shuffled his feet, "I'm from Busan. Obviously."

Puffs of white smoke filled the space between the boys as the stranger tilted head head back and laughed. 

“Your dialect is adorable!”

Jeongin blushed despite himself. If it were anyone else he’d fire back a snide comment in a heartbeat but this boy sounded so genuine it was hard not to take the compliment to heart. 

“I’m Hyunjin. Nice to meet you…?”, Hyunjin brought his hands up to further the intonation of the question.

“Jeongin”, he smiled, “My name is Jeongin.”

**Monday 20.01.06 10.29am**

**“** So you’re telling me that in your 18 years of life on planet earth you have never,  _ never  _ been late for school?”, Hyunjin was so loud he was almost screaming at this point. During the past twenty minutes they’d talked he’d jumped up from his place on the bench out of excitement at least five times, “You can’t be human! I refuse to believe you’re that diligent. I refuse!”

Jeongin only laughed as Hyunjin slumped down beside him on the bench again. It felt good - No - it felt  _ amazing  _ to laugh. Jeoning couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt this happy. Nothing in Seoul had felt like home. Not the apartment he’d moved in to with his parents, not the school he’d enrolled in, not the streets he walked to school, nothing. Nothing except this. 

Jeoning was sitting on a bench in a university’s abandoned botanical garden with a boy he’d met less than an hour ago, talking about anything and everything, and he’d never felt so at peace in his life. He didn’t care how pathetic and sad it sounded, it was true. Even if it was only for now, Hyunjin made him feel safe. 

“Hey, Jeongin”, Hyunjin shuffled around on the bench so he could sit directly facing Jeongin, “I’ve gotta ask…”

“Why I’m on a field trip with my entire year and I’m all alone?”, Jeongin filled in.

Hyunjin shrugged, “I mean, yeah. You said you’ve been in Seoul for a couple of months already. Shouldn’t you have some friends in you class?”

Jeoning new Hyunjin didn’t mean any harm but the way those words implied making friends with the people in his class could ever be an  _ easy _ thing made his stomach churn. 

Jeongin hummed and twisted his hands, “You could say me and my classmates aren’t really the best of friends”.

Jeoning knew he shouldn’t be ashamed but he didn’t want Hyunjin to know how bad it actually was. He didn’t want to be pitied, or worried over, and he definitely didn’t want Hyunjin to know the whole truth.

“That’s rough… They’re missing out”, Hyunjin turned back and put his arms over the back of the bench.

Jeongin mirrored his movements and soon the were both leaning back on the bench, looking up and the white clouded sky. The sun wasn’t out but that was okay. Jeongin knew it was there, high above the clouds, shining as bright as ever. 

**Monday 20.01.06 10.50am**

“I should probably be getting back”, Jeoning stuffed his phone back into his coat pocket and got up from the bench.

“It’s already eleven?”, Hyunjin grumubled. 

The boy was half sprawled out on the bench, using his humorously big scarf as a pillow. 

“Just about”, Jeoning sighed. 

He’d enjoyed his chat with Hyunjin so much, he didn’t want it to end. He wasn’t even cold. If it weren’t for the fact that he had to get back to school he could easily sit there in the park and talk to Hyunjin all day. 

“Time really flew past huh…”, Hyunjin suddenly froze, “oh shit! I’m late for my lecture!”

In a flurry of scarfs, phones and bags Hyunjin had somehow managed to get all of his stuff together, point Jeongin in the right direction to get back to the meeting point, get his number into Jeoning’s phone and sprinted off before Jeongin could even properly thank the boy for keeping him company.

“Hyunjin, you are one crazy boy”, Jeongin chuckled to himself. 

As soon as he excited the garden it was like all the exposure to the freezing weather of the past hour caught up to him at once. He could barely feel his toes as he waddled ungracefully in the direction Hyunjin had pointed him in. The calming energy of the garden had apparently fooled his body into thinking winter in Seoul wasn’t half as bad as it was. Or maybe it had just been Hyunjin distracting him. 

_ Hyunjin _

Jeoning felt guilty just thinking about it but maybe, just maybe, he’d finally made a friend.

**Monday 20.01.06 11.24pm**

“Just do it you coward”

Jeoning had been staring at his phone and the unsent text message it was displaying for ten minutes now, and that was after he’d spent half an hour crafting it. 

“Just send the freaking text Jeongin c’mon.”

He cursed himself for his own cowardice. Why couldn’t Hyunjin have taken Jeongin’s number instead? That way he wouldn’t have to sit and have anxiety over the most stupid text message the world has ever seen. That being said he’d probably just spend all that time wondering if Hyunjin was ever going to text him. 

“Okay Jeongin. Let’s do this. Deep breaths. You got this. One, two three, s- fuck! Four, five? FUCK IT!”

Jeoning smashed the ‘send’ button and threw the phone to the other side of the room. Thankfully ‘the other side of the room’ was his bed, so the phone landed safely. 

Jeongin stared at where his phone lay on the plush blue comforter and considered just burning his phone. If his phone was burned how was he supposed to know Hyunjin ignored him? He’d be able to pretend he never embarrassed himself like that. No one would ever have to know what a stupid, pathatic, ignarant, naive, childish-  _ BEEP _

Jeongin had never moved so quickly in his life. Before the signal even ended Jeongin had the phone in his hand. 

**You**

Hey! It’s Jeoning. Thanks for helping me today. Really appreciate it! Also I’m sorry I made you late for your lecture :/

**Hyunjin**

Hey!!! No problem dude! I’m glad I could help :D And it’s fine! I’m always late, no one expects anything else from me lmao

How was he supposed to answer that? Should he answer that? What’s the appropriate response to that kind of text? He hadn’t planned this far ahead. Jeongin was about to have another nervous breakdown when his phone beeped a second time. 

**Hyunjin**

Okay so I hope you don’t take this the wrong way but basically:

You don’t have a lot of friends and actually I don’t either so if you want to like… hang out sometime n be friends??? I’d be super up for that :D I’m sorry this is so forward but honestly you seem like a super cool person and i’d love to have more talks like the one we had today. 

If Jeongin fell down onto the bed and squealed when he read that message no one would ever know. 

**You**

It’s not at all too forward! I’d love that!

At 11.27pm on a Monday evening, Yang Jeongin finally made a friend and ironic as it was; it was all thanks to a field trip. 


	5. Nostalgia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Introduction - Jisung

**Monday 20.01.06 3.36pm**

“Jiji!”, Changbin burst through the door to their small shared bedroom and catapulted himself into the bed where Jisung was currently enjoying his first full day off in a month by sleeping soundly, “Jiji, wake up!”

Jisung groaned and tried to push Changbin off the bed but the older clung onto him and refused to budge. 

“Why do you hate me so much?”, Jisung muttered.

Chanbin laughed and took hold of the covers so Jising couldn’t pull them over his head, “I’ve got something to show you so get your ass out of bed already!”

Jisung only groaned in return and turned around to face the wall.

“Jiji, c’mon it’s past noon you shouldn’t be sleeping this late anyway.”

Changbin really had a talent for annoying Jisung like no other but the genuine excitement in his voice meant whatever he wanted to show was important to him. 

“Fine, just get off me. You weigh more than an elephant”

“Brat”, Changbin huffed but got off nonetheless.

Jisung laughed under his breath, “Asshole”.

  
  


**Monday 20.01.06 3.41pm**

“So what was it you wanted to show me?”

Jisung entered the main room still dressed in his pyjamas but at least he got socks on. He’d looked through his dresser with the intention of changing into something more socially acceptable but decided against it in the end. He wasn’t planning on leaving the house anyway. 

“Do you remember that assignment I had to write a song with a nostalgic feeling?”, Changbin waved Jisung over to the desk where he had set up his laptop and pulled out the other chair for Jisung to sit down in.

Jissung shuffled over and hummed to show he was somewhat invested in Changbin’s story.

“Well our next assignment is to fully produce it so I spent all morning in the studio working on it”, the program Changbin worked in was now taking up the bright screen, “It’s turning out really good and I really think we could use this song on the EP were gonna send out to companies!”, Changbin was so excited he was basically vibrating. It’d been so long since Jisung had seen his friend like this. He couldn’t help but laugh when it took Changbin three tries to hit the right button due to his excitement. 

Changbin’s music had always been harsh. The beats were aggressive and his rapping was like a fight Changbin was determined to win. He was passionate, precise and powerful. This was anything but that.

The sounds of a busy park on a sunny summer's day filled the room followed by a light synth and soft drums. Changbin’s voice was soft and melodic, almost as if he were talking instead of rapping. Jisung couldn’t even focus on the lyrics because his body was being filled with warmth. He knew he could be quite responsive to music but this was different to anything music had ever made him feel before. It felt like resting after a long day of work, feeling content. It felt like a soft hug from someone you love. It felt like being understood. I felt like everything Jisung had ever wanted. This felt like coming home. 

“What song is that?”, Chan’s voice burst the bubble Jisung hadn’t even realised he’d floated into. He and Changbin had been sitting in silence listening to the song but neither of them had heard Chan coming in. He was standing by the door, halfway out of his shoes.

Changbin recovered from the shock first, “It’s a new song i’m working on! What do you think?”, he’d twisted around to see Chan properly but even without seeing his face Jisung knew exactly what the excited smile on Chanbin’s face looked like. 

Chan tilted his head, confused, “I’ve heard this song before”.

Changbbin mirrored the older, “what do you mean you’ve heard it before? Jisung was the first person to hear it except me”.

“No, that can’t be right”, Chan let his bag slip to the floor and walked over to the desk. 

Jisung stood up from his chair to let Chan sit. The older boy slid down on the chair without a word and pulled Changbin’s computer toward himself. 

“It’s the song I wrote for that nostalgia assignment, I recorded it today. I thought maybe we could use it for the EP to show some more diversity?”, Changbin said it as a question. It didn’t matter how long they’d worked together or that they’d known each other for even longer, Chan always had the last word. 

The song was still playing, having looped to the beginning again. Jisung’s mind was still filled with that warm haze. 

“Changbin I’m one hundred percent sure I’ve heard this song before”, Chan said it in such a low voice but the words had as much impact on Changbin as a scream would’ve. 

“What do you mean you’ve heard this song before? That’s not possible, I recorded it today.”

“I know it’s probably not consciously but you’ve plagiarised this song. We can’t use it. Plagiarism would _crush_ any hope we have of making it in the music industry and you know it.”

Changbin shot up from his chair, “I can’t believe you! _Plagiarism?_ Really Chan? You think I wouldn’t notice if I was plagiarising a song?”

Chan twisted around in his chair to face Changbin and brought up his hands. Jisung thought it looked like he was trying to calm down a horse. The song was still playing in the background. 

“No- Bin, you’re not hearing me. I said it was probably an unconscious thing, I don’t think you actually went and copied someone's song straight off.”

“Then show us this mysterious song I’ve plagiarised. What’s it called?”, Changbin gestured in the direction of the laptop. 

The song was still playing. Jisung still couldn’t think straight.

“I- I don’t know the title but I _know-”,_ Chan started but Changbin cut him off before he could finish.

“You don’t even know the title? Are you sure this song even exists? Because it sounds to me like you’re wrong Chan”.

“No. No, I’m sure exists, I am _one hundred percent_ sure I’ve heard this song before”

“When who’s the artist? When did it come out? What’s the original pitch?”, Changbin was screaming. When did he start screaming?

“I don’t need to know all of that to know _i’ve heard this song before_ Changbin!”, Chan was out of his chair, matching his volume to Changbin’s

The song was still playing. Jisung couldn’t think. 

“But you can’t prove it can you? If you can’t-”

“I found my heart in your stars and my home in your love”

The song was still playing. No one spoke.

“How do you know those lyrics?”, Changbin breathed after a minute that lasted an eternity.

“I told you”, Chan sighed, “I’ve heard the song before. It’s the last part isn’t it? The one you chose to hum instead”.

Changbin didn’t answer. He pushed past Chan on his way to the door.

“Bin, wait-”

“Let him”, Jisung barely recognised the sound of his own voice. 

Chan stopped himself but he still flinched when Changbin slammed the door shut. 

The song was still playing. Jisung didn’t know what to think. 

**Monday 20.01.06 10.45pm**

Changbin had been out for longer than it usually took him to cool down. Normally he’d be back and crawled up in bed after having talked to Chan by now, but he was nowhere to be seen. Neither Jisung or Chan had heard from him since he stormed out. The song had long since stopped playing but Jisung couldn’t get it out of his head. It just didn’t make sense. 

If the song wasn’t plagiarised as Changbin claimed then how come it made Jisung feel the way he did? He hadn’t wanted to say it earlier and add fuel to the fire but he almost recognized it as well. Something about it was just so familiar he _had_ to have heard it before but at the same time it felt like the first time. 

On the other hand, if the song _was_ plagiarised that would explain why it made him feel the way it did. If he had listened to the original song and attached a strong happy memory to it then listening to Changbin's version of it could easily trigger those emotions. But if that were the case why couldn’t he remember what the memory that was being triggered?

The song was playing on a loop in Jisung’s head and nothing made sense. The warmth still lingered in his body but it had lost it’s magic. The nostalgia had turned bittersweet.

Jisung went back to bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again i'm sorry for any typos or misstakes, i really only write when i'm sleep-deprived..... i should find a beta lmao  
> pls give me feedback (either here or on twitter @chrystallix)!! I'm like tinker bell pls interact with me hahahah


	6. mirror

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hyunjin introduction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so i know nothing of how Korean uni works so i'm basing this off of my knowledge of swedish uni lmao. They can't be that different can they..?  
> Also sorry for taking so long with this update i have no excuse hah
> 
> (once again this hasn't been beta'd so uuh if you see any misstakes pls ignore)

**Monday 20.01.06 10.00am**

Hyunjin felt guilty. Two days had passed and he  _ still _ felt guilty, but how could he not? He’d lied to Seungmin and had gotten literally nothing out of it. Of course he wasn’t meeting up with a friend he hadn’t seen in a while. He only had two actual friends, one of which he saw almost every day and the other was Seungmin. Hyunjin didn’t know if he was considered a friend in Seungmins eyes but he tried not to think about that.

He hadn’t planned on lying to Seungmin and he sure hadn’t planned on canceling their study date. It’s just that life got in the way. Or more specifically - new meds got in the way. Hyunjin had been taking antidepressants for almost three years now and still hadn’t found a brand that worked for him. It was an endless cycle of new meds, side effects, upping the dose, lowering the dose, withdrawal, repeat - but in the end it would be worth it. It had to be. 

Usually the symptoms of new meds were manageable and Hyunjin could go to uni and dance class without any major troubles, but this time that wasn’t the case. 

It started with the lightheadedness, then came the nausea and then suddenly, on Saturday morning, just the thought of getting out of bed was enough to trigger an anxiety attack. His body felt like tar and his mind was so hazy he couldn’t think straight for the entire weekend.

Thankfully by Monday he was well enough to get out of bed and painstakingly make his way to uni. Apparently he wasn’t quite well enough to read the time right though, because there he was, at uni, an hour early. 

So not only had he left his friend hanging, gotten absolutely nothing done during the weekend, upset and worried his parents but he’d also missed out on a whole hour of sleep. Hyunjin didn’t know which was worse.

Usually when Hyunjin had nothing to do in between lectures he’d go to one of the cafes on campus but his body was still rigid with medically induced anxiety, he couldn’t be around people right now. 

Luckily, he knew exactly where to go.

**Monday 20.01.06 10.05am**

Hyunjin first found the abandoned botanical garden completely by accident. It was his first day of classes at uni and he’d gotten lost trying to find his way to the right building. Now it was his safe haven. 

Hyunjin had always had a strange relationship with the concept of a “safe haven”. Whenever he thought he’d found one he’d found one he’d pour all of his negative emotions into it until it ended up ruined, poisoned by the very thing it was meant to protect him from. He’d had many places, and people for that matter, he thought could carry the darkness inside of him without being tainted but in the end he always had to leave them. More often then not he could never return without feeling the residue of the pain he left behind. He’d left a trace of broken things wherever he went but so far this garden had taken all of his burdens, all of his problems and sadness and remained the same. Maybe it was because it was so old and wise. Or maybe it was because the garden had no one’s problems to listen to but Hyunjin’s. 

No matter what time of the day he went there, it was always empty except for the occasional bird or little critter. 

But not today.

**Monday 20.01.06 11.05am**

Sprinting from one side of the humorously big campus to the other and storming into the lecture just as the professor had started talking wasn’t ideal, Hyunjin could admit to that. But perhaps he’d just made a new friend, so it was worth it. 

**Monday 20.01.06 7.56pm**

“Did you pick a major yet?,” Minho asked from where he was standing and fiddling with the stereo. 

From Hyunjin’s place on the floor he couldn’t see what he was doing but he’d bet a lot of money he wasn’t doing anything at all. 

Minho could read people easily. He knew Hyunjin got uncomfortable with direct confrontation.

“No…” Hyunjin sighed, “I just don’t know what I want to do. I barely know what I want to eat for dinner tonight, how am I supposed to know what I want to do the rest of my life?”

Minho finally put his phone in his pocket and picked up the two water bottles by the mirror on his was over to hyunjin, “You’re gonna have to make a decision sooner or later you know”, Minho handed over one of the bottles and slumped down on the floor next to his friend, “Taking random courses will only satisfy your parents for so long.”

Hyunjin hummed and took a swing of the water, “I know, I’m just-”, he didn’t know how to end the sentence because he didn’t  _ know  _ what he was. He didn’t know anything. 

Just as every other Monday Hyunjin had gone to the dance studio Minho worked at after his lectures and let himself in with the hidden spare key. The studios own classes didn’t start until late in the afternoon so Minho had given him a free pass to dance there as long as his boss didn’t find out. Hyunjin had been at the studio for hours working out, dancing, stretching, pacing, you name it, but he was still so-

“Frustrated?”, Minho offered.

“Yeah. I’m really fucking frustrated”. Hyunjin didn’t swear often, only when his emotions were bigger than his vocabulary. Nothing made sense and he was being pushed to make decisions when he didn’t even know what his options were. He felt like no one understood what he was feeling but at the same time he wasn’t sure even  _ he  _ understood what he was feeling.  _ Nothing was making sense _ . 

The boys sat in silence for a long while and let nothingness speak. The mirror in front of them showed the shadows their bodies cast on the wall despite the dim lighting. If only Hyunjin could become one with his shadow and just melt into the darkness. Maybe then he wouldn’t feel so trapped and hopeless. If he didn’t have a conscience it’d never be bad. 

Hyunjin was so lucky to have a friend like Minho but he couldn’t help but feel he was getting more out of their friendship than Minho was. He felt like such a burden, he did nothing but complain and never stopped to think about how he was affecting his friend with all of his negativity. Minho never let a conversation be about him for more than a moment and Hyunjin didn’t even question it. He didn’t try to show more interest in his friend’s life, didn’t make sure he was okay even when he said he was fine. Hyunjin of all people should know how easily that lie slips of the tongue. No. No, he shouldn’t be thinking like this. If Minho didn’t want to talk about himself he shouldn’t force him to. But shouldn’t a good friend make sure their friends are okay no matter what? Maybe- 

“Hey do you wanna walk with me to work? My shift doesn’t start until nine but we can take the long way there”, Minho wasn’t even looking at Hyunjin, he had his eyes glued to his phone again. 

How was it that without even asking, Minho always knew exactly what Hyunjin needed?

“Yeah”, Hyunjin breathed, “Yeah, let’s do it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this update! I'll try to be a little faster with the next one heheh  
> hmu up on twitter if you waaant~~ @chrystallix


	7. Strings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> introduction - Minho

**Monday 20.01.06 7.59pm**

Minho never knew what Hyunjin needed. Did he need encouragement? Did he need harsh and merciless truth? Did he need to be coddled? Did he just need silent support? The best he could offer was a distraction. 

“Hey do you wanna walk with me to work? My shift doesn’t start until nine but we can take the long way there”

“Yeah”, Hyunjin breathed, “Yeah, let’s do it.”

Hyunjin agreeing to taking the long way meant one of two things. Either he was bored or he didn’t want to go home. Minho’s bet was on the latter. 

As they got up off the floor and gathered their things Minho started making a list in his head of things that could distract Hyunjin for the rough 45 minute walk to the café. They spent so much time together there was barely anything Minho could say that Hyunjin didn’t already know but it was worth a shot. Minho would try anything if it meant his friend wouldn't spiral into the pitch black hole at the back of his mind. Especially when he was still adjusting to yet another new medicine. 

Minho masked a sigh as a huff as he pushed open the heavy backdoor of the studio to let them out.

“You put back the spare key right?”, Minho asked Hyunjin over his shoulder.

Hyunjin stopped in his tracks, “Do you think i’m stupid?”, he exclaimed.

Minho snickered, “I don’t know, do i?”

“The audacity! We’ve known each other for- how many years now - and you dare call me stupid?”, Hyunjin had started walking again but Minho made sure to keep his distance so he wasn’t accidentally smacked by one or Hyunjin’s flailing arms.

“Well i’m not the one who got locked in the toilet last week”

Hyunjin gawked, “As if that’s my fault? The door’s at fault! The door’d stupid! Not me! Why are you attacking me like this?!”

Minho just laughed and let Hyunjin carry the conversation for however long he wanted.

Minho knew his friend has a tendency to put his self worth in his achievements and validation from others and had first hand experience of how toxic that could be. He also knew Hyunjin was trying his best to get better. He knew what his problems were, he knew what he needed to fix but often times the  _ how  _ part is just as difficult to see as the  _ what  _ part. Maybe he didn’t need yet another person to tell him what he needed to do. Maybe he didn’t need yet another friend who grew wary around him because they were afraid he’d break.

Maybe this was exactly what he needed. 

**Monday 20.01.06 8.47pm**

As they got closer to the cafe Hyunjin grew quiet. Minho’s conversational distraction only helped so much and the inevitability of having to return home was weighing him down more than ever. Minho didn’t want to keep him away from his home, he knew he was safe there and that he had a loving and supporting family but surely offering an alternative wouldn’t hurt. 

When the café finally came into view Minho pretended not to notice Hyunjin’s feet faltering.

“Ah… Monday nights are always the worst”, Minho sighed, “If i give you free hot chocolate will you help me wipe some tables?”

If Hyunjin caught on to what he was doing he didn’t show it as he tilted his head back and laughed, “You’re too old to wipe down tables by yourself already?”

Minho huffed in response.

“Yeah sure, i’ll offer my services to an old man in need but you better be adding extra marshmallows to that hot chocolate or i’m leaving you hanging”.

“Deal.”

It wasn’t a lie that Monday nights were one of the worst night’s at the cafe. Everyone who had gone back to work after the weekend were desperate for some kind of enjoyment, Highschool kids were catching up after a whole 48 hours away from each other and those who had neglected their work during their time off were scrambling to get work done. Overall it was just a lot of rude customers and loud kids. 

The bell chimed when Minho opened the door. Minho had always appreciated the fact that the cafe had a real bell hanging over the door and not an automated signal like most others had nowadays. It brought a genuinely to the space that all too many were starved of. 

Felix was already behind the disk, catching up on dishes while no one was ordering. He looked even more melancholy than usual. 

“Hey Hyunjin, give me your stuff”.

He reached out a hand and hyunjin obediently slung off his bag and jacket and handed them to Minho.

“Good. Now go ask my colleague to get you an apron, I’ll put these in my locker.”

“Okay- wait no, what’s his name?”

“He has a name tag!” Minho started towards the office without looking back.

“What? Minho, don't leave me!” Hyunjin whiper-shouted after him.

Minho whisked away without answering and dumped their stuff in his locker just in time to peak out the office door and see Hyunjin unsubtly sneaking a glance at Felix’s name tag. 

“Uh… excuse me… um Yongbok? Minho told me to ask you for an apron? I’m his friend-”

Hyunjin barely got to finish before Felix whipped around towards where Minho was lurking at the door to glare at him.

_ “I hate you”, _ he mouthed. He had a smile tugging at his lips.

Hyunjin followed his gaze with the most puzzled look Minho had ever seen and he couldn’t help but laugh. 

Minho set Hyunjin to work collecting dishes and wiping tables while he and Felix took and put together orders. Felix still looked a little sullen but being at the cashier meant he was the one who had to keep an eye out for Hyunjin so he didn’t cause any trouble. It served as a distraction and it looked like Felix was finding at least some kind of entertainment in watching Hyunjin trying to balance all the dishes. When he danced he had such a natural grace and balance but this was like watching a baby trying to skate for the first time with a blindfold on. 

Minho caught himself thinking about how different the two younger boys were from each other. They were only a few months apart in age yet Felix seemed so much older. But at the same time Hyunjin had in some ways gotten further in life. The only thing Minho knew they had in common was that they both seemed so incredibly lost. 

Minho and Felix didn’t know each other well and they strayed clear of personal topics when they talked, but Minho still cared for the other boy. He hoped he had good friends looking out for him. He deserved it. 

  
  


**Monday 20.01.06 10.33 pm**

The cafe was emptying out as people went home for the night. Hyunjin was still there but he’d given up his washcloth and dishes in favour for one of Minho’s delicious hot chocolates, extra marshmallows of course. He’d seated himself at the table closest to the counter so that he could continue his lively conversation with Felix that Minho had given up on keeping track of long ago. He’d never seen Felix so engaged in a conversation for this long before, it was like an entirely new side of him had opened up. He joked and laughed and listened to Hyunjin’s rants so wholeheartedly it filled Minho with such a nostalgic feeling. It reminded him of the times before - the times when everyone was happy and naive. He made an effort not to think about how much things had changed but seeing hyunjin like this made it difficult not to. Catching himself smiling for no other reason than feeling content made it  _ impossible _ not to. 

The rusty bell over the door chimed and a gust of cold wind swept over the cafe. Felix and Minho both turned towards the source of the sound to welcome the new customer but only Minho’s greeting made it into the air. 

A young man stood in the entrance, holding the door open with a hand reddened from the cold. Minho couldn’t help but notice the puffy eyes and the nose upset from more than the cold. 

For a moment the world was quiet. Knuckles turned white and breaths were held. Anticipation that could only come from something older than a first meeting took hold of the four young men. 

“Hello again”, Felix’s soft voice broke the silence. 

The boy finally let go of the door and stepped into the warmth.

“You look cold, what can I get you?”

The boy slowly made his way over to the counter, oblivious to the looks both Minho and Hyunjin were giving him. 

“Coffee please?”, his voice was horse and unmistakably shaky.

Felix set to work immediately, ignoring Minho’s quizzical face as he moved to make the coffee himself instead of letting his colleague do it as usual, “I’ll make it extra hot, yeah?”

The boy just nodded in return.

“Go sit down and we’ll come out with your drink when it’s done”, Minho offered.

Felix moved to object because simple coffee really didn’t take long to make but Minho silenced him with a look before he had a chance. Changbin thanked them and went to sit at the table furthest in the back with Minho’s favourite blue sofa. 

“What?”, Felix spared all niceties 

“Hey Minho is he one of your old friends or something?” Hyunjin butted in, “I feel like i recognise him but I don’t know why”, he was leaning over the counter and very unsubtly looking back at the boy.

“I don’t know him”, Minho deadpanned, “now stop being so unstealthy”.

Hyunjin scoffed, “Okay mr. always-super-smooth. Yongbok, you know him then?” 

Felix had introduced himself as Felix after their awkward first meeting but Hyunjin had apparently decided to stick to Yongbok for some reason.

“He came in a couple of days ago to do some schoolwork. I don’t know him, we just chatted for a little while”, as he spoke his eyes drifted to the boy who had now thrown off his jacket on the sofa and was fiddling with his phone, “It’s weird - I thought i recognised him too when i was him…”

“Interesting…”, Minho murmured. 

In the blink of an eye Minho gracefully took the finished cup of coffee from Felix hands, placed it on a tray and started towards the boy.

“Here’s your extra hot coffee!”, Minho chirped as he set down the cup in front of him on the low table. 

The boy hurriedly wiped his nose and rushed to put away his phone but he wasn’t fast enough. The  _ “no battery” _ sign blared even brighter in the light of him pretending to tap away at it just moments before.

If he was being completely honest with himself Minho was quite a paranoid and protective person, if not by nature then by nurture, and this guy was suspicious. However, looking at him like this - red eyes, frozen hands on a steaming cup and a dead phone this close to night - struck a string in his heart. 

“I hope you enjoy your coffee, if you need anything please tell us. We have a brand new charging station where you can leave your phone if you need to!”, Minho didn’t linger and hurried back the the counter.

“Hyunjin give me your charger right now”.

**Monday 20.01.06 10.45 pm**

It took more than 10 minutes for the boy to crack and come to ask about the improvised charging station. Felix, who had been briefed on the situation, took care of it. 

“The cold really got the the battery”, the boy chuckled as he handed over the phone.

Minho really didn’t mean to eavesdrop but he was working on an order and the two boys were standing just a few metres away, he couldn’t help but hear them. 

“Ah yeah that happens to me all the time too”, Felix let out something that sounded extremely much like a giggle. 

The next few words were lost under the shriek of the milk frother.

“- I was meaning to ask you”, the boy cleared his throat, “I- uh… I was going to but I when I was going to last time you’d already clocked out I guess?”

God this boy was so awkward it was actually endearing.

“Have we met before?”

Minho almost dropped the can of milk he was pouring from when Felix interrupted the boy.

“I know this is a little weird but i feel like we’ve met before”, he continued.

The boy was silent for so long Minho thought he must’ve left. He was itching to turn around but he couldn't out himself like that. 

“Oh…” 

He lived!

“I was actually going to ask the same thing”.

Thank god Minho wasn’t holding anything of importance or he definitely would’ve dropped it. How could both Hyunjin and Felix say they recognised the same boy and then said boy say the same about Felix yet no one seemed to know why? What were the odds of three people simultaneously being that forgetful? 

Minho couldn’t listen to the rest of the conversation without being obvious so he went out to deliver the drink he’d been making to its owner and returned to see the boy seated at the same table as Hyunjin. 

"Why's he sitting with hyunjin?", Minho asked as casually as he could. This whole situation was making him so curious he was slipping out of character. 

"He said he didn't want to be far away from his phone", Felix turned to lean against the counter so the could face each other without being too close in the cramped space. 

Minho couldn't hold it in anymore, "so do you know this guy or what?" 

Felix signed and looked back to where Hyunjin had now managed to engage Changbin in conversation. 

"I really feel like we do. I saw his name on his notebook last time he was here. Seo Changbin. It felt so obvious but at the same time I have no memory of him", he looked back to Minho with a small smile, "maybe I'm delusional or maybe we met in a past life or something". 

Minho didn't know how to answer and Felix didn't look like he expected him to either. 

"How do you know Hyunjin by the way? It seems like you're good friends?" 

The personal question caught Minho off guard yet again. Felix was full of surprises today. 

"We met through dance. His parents enrolled him in the dance school I took classes at. He's two years younger than me, the same age as you, and I guess he saw me as some kind of mentor. Whatever I did he followed", a fond smile crept onto his lips as he remembered the small hyunjin that tried his uttermost best to catch up to the older students. He never gave up no matter how many told him he wasn't good enough. 

"Do you still dance?" Felix had a strange look on his face, almost sad. 

"Yeah I switched from being a student to being a teacher at the same school. I only teach small kids though", Minho didn't want to seem like he was ungrateful for the students he had but sometimes he longed for something more, a challenge that would let him grow, "Hyunjin switched to another dance school a while ago but in between his classes and my work we still dance together whenever we can". 

"That's amazing", Felix said. He'd turned around to fiddle with the cashier. His too-long sleeves covered his small hands almost completely. 

Minho looked around the cafe. All the customers that were already seated looked like they'd be there for a while and at this time of night the probability of a new customer coming in anytime soon was low. He had time.

"Do you dance, Felix?", Minho took to fixing the pastries in the display disk into neat rows. 

Felix was quiet for a long time before answering, "I used to". 

That was probably the most personal thing Felix had ever told him about his past. Minho couldn't help being curious but he shouldn’t pry. He wouldn’t.

"Do you want to join me and Hyunjin sometime?", he offered, "we usually just fool around, nothing serious". 

"Really?", the excitement in his voice was clear as day. He cleared his throat, "I mean- I wouldn't want to intrude on your thing. I'm probably way under your level anyway", he hid his hands in his sleeves. 

"Hyunjin", Minho called out to the boy who was still deep in conversation with the boy - Changbin. Both boys whipped around at the sound of Minho’s voice, “Thoughts on Felix joining us in the studio sometime soon?”

Hyunjin’s face lit up, “You dance too, Yongbok? That’d be so much fun!”

“Your name is Felix?”, Changbin had his head tilted to the side in confusion. He kept looking between the other three trying to figure out what was happening.

Hyunjin let back his head and laughed while Felix tried to explain the whole situation of his name to the boy. 

  
  
  


**Monday 20.01.06 11.47 pm**

Hyunjin eventually went home after downing two more hot chocolates. Changbin didn’t stay for much longer either. He left after insisting on helping to clear away some dishes and wiping down the table himself. 

“Get home safe, Changbin!”, Felix called when said boy bid his farewells at the door. 

“You too, Felix”

The bell chimed, a gust of cold wind swept through the cafe and the door was closed again. 

“You should be getting ready to leave too”, Minho grabbed a cloth and patted Felix on the shoulder on his way out from behind the counter, “There are barely any customers, clock out a little early for once”.

Felix turned to look after Minho and breathed a  _ thank you.  _ He’d worked hard today but it was obvious something more than work was still weighing him down. The poor boy deserved a break. 

It was strange. Never before had Minho felt so energised halfway through a shift. Something about having Hyunjin, Felix and Changbin around at the same time gave him so much energy. He hadn’t even really talked to Changbin but he filled the space left by the other three so effortlessly either way. 

“I’ll text you the address to the studio when I get off work!”

“Yeah, thanks!” had gone into the staff room to get his stuff.

“You know, i really believe in my idea to stream it”

Felix laughed in response

“No really! I mean you said you mostly stream games but wouldn't it be fun to switch it up a little sometimes?”

Felix emerged from the staff room fully clothed in his winter attire. All black of course, “hmm You have a point, it would be fun…” he threw back his scarf that had slipped over his shoulder, “Do you have a good internet connection there?”

“Absolutely! It should be strong enough for a livestream”, Minho had absolutely no idea if it was strong enough for a livestream but it better be. 

“Nice!”

The two boys said goodbye and goodnight and Minho was left alone in the cafe for the remainder of his shift. 

  
  


**Tuesday 20.01.07 3.48am**

The heavy metal door creaked and groaned as Minho shoved it open. By now he knew the rooms and corridors so well he didn’t even have to turn on the light when he walked around. He preferred walking in darkness either way. What he couldn’t see he could pretend wasn’t real. 

Minho threw his bag in the general direction of the wardrobe and sunk down on the worn out sofa in the dance studio’s office. 

“Home, sweet home”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woop woop finally an update over 3k! I actually can't remember last time i wrote a chapter this long lmao...  
> Hope you enjoyed! <3


	8. Run away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Introduction - Chan  
> Contains mentions of alcohol, slight description of a panic attack and hints at past trauma.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lmao this only took like,,, more than a month to get up srry bout that

**Monday 20.01.06 3.50pm**

Chan had fucked up. He’d fucked up bad. 

He’d sworn so many times to always count to ten, to always keep his cool, to not to raise his voice and to never let his anger get the best of him. Especially not in their own home.  _ Especially _ not when Jisung was in the room. So many times. Too many times. He fucked up and now Chanbgin was god knows where, doing god knows what, Jisung was sitting on the floor staring at nothing and Chan was on the sofa sitting on his own hands to stop himself from reaching for a beer. 

If only he could get that fucking song out of his head maybe he could do something about this bloody mess. The soft melody had shown it’s claws and dug itself into his ears, his brain, his entire body. He  _ knew  _ that song. He’d spat the lyrics right in Changbin's face and paid the price for it. 

_ I found my heart in your stars and my home in your love. _

Chan ran his hands through his hair and his fingers got caught in the locks. He needed a haircut. He needed to make sure his friends stayed alive long enough for them to achieve their dreams, if that were even possible.

_ I found my heart in your stars and my home in your love. _

He didn’t know why he knew the words to Changbin’s song. He didn’t know why they twisted a knife in his heart he didn't even know was there before but there he was, ready to swear on his life that the black shirt he was wearing was stained with blood. 

_ I found my heart in your stars and my home in your love. _

“Jisung”

The boy didn't react to Chan calling his name. He never did when he got like this. Chan didn’t even know if he could hear him. He’d disappeared into his own mind and Chan would do anything to follow him, to make sure he was okay. But he couldn’t do anything. 

“I’ll get us something to eat, okay?”, Chan got up from the sofa and forced his brain to shut off the part of himself that handled self-value , “It’ll be okay. We’ll be okay”

_ Please god just let us be okay. _

**Monday 20.01.06 10.49pm**

Jisung had gone back to bed and there was still no sign of Changbin. If Chan hadn’t been worried before he sure was now. It wasn’t unusual that Changbin stormed off when he got upset or angry, but he was never gone for this long without saying anything. Almost seven hours had passed and neither of the two Changbin left behind had gotten anything but radio silence. 

This was Chan’s fault and he  _ knew  _ that but he didn’t know how to make it right. He couldn’t kiss it better like he’d done for his siblings when they were little, he couldn’t write an apology like he’d done in school and he couldn’t just leave the friendship to die like he’d done so many times before. He needed to make this right but how could he when he didn’t even know what caused him to erupt in the first place. 

After getting food for Jisung and successfully coaxing him out of his steel shell enough for him to eat, Chan had gotten to work trying to track down the song. The song that seemed to only exist in Chan’s head. And Changbin’s computer. No matter where, in what language or in what phrasing he searched, the original song was nowhere to be found. Which wasn't possible. It was  _ impossible _ . 

Chan had never been this frustrated in his life. That song was going on and on in his head like a broken record and he couldn’t stop the warm feeling it was spreading in his system, relaxing his strained muscles and lulling him into a drowsy state of contempt. Like a snake’s venom spreads in it’s victim before consuming it. 

It was past midnight when Chan finally considered giving up. He was about to fall asleep at the work desk and he had a cleaning job he needed to get up for in four hours. 

He checked his phone one last time for any signs of life when the door creaked open. 

Changbin stood in the entrance and took of his shoes as if he hadn’t just disappeared off the face of the earth for 8 hours. 

_ How are you? Where did you go? Who did you meet? Were you cold? Have you eaten? I’m sorry… _

Chan wanted to say so many things, the words were all bubbling up his throat but nothing came out. Instead he just watched as Changbin threw his jacket on the sofa, crept into the bedroom and closed the door without a sound. 

Chan waited until he knew Changbin would be asleep before he went to bed himself. 

  
  


**Tuesday 20.01.07 01.03am**

_ He sat with his back to the edge of the world. In front of him was the most beautiful garden he'd ever seen. All his friends were there but they were too far away to see their faces but chan didn’t need to see them to know they were smiling.  _

_ "hey" a familiar voice came from beside him and a light hand landed on his shoulder, "don't be too harsh on yourself"  _

_ "I still feel like I could've stopped this from happening, at least a little while longer" Chan said but it felt like someone was speaking for him. He didn't know the meaning behind those words but he felt that they were true.  _

_ "you brought us together, that's enough".  _

_ Chan turned his head to look at the person beside him but their face was blurred, like a picture taken by an unfocused camera.  _

_ "is it really though?"  _

_ The hand squeezed his shoulder _

_ "Of course it is. Look at us," they gestured out to the garden where their friends were playing and laughing, "you helped us find each other. The bond we've made won't break because of this. We did it once and we can do it again. Believe in yourself Chris. Just like you believed in us".  _

_ The sun started setting behind him showering the garden in a golden light.  _

_ "But what if I can't? What if I lose you?"  _

_ "You could never lose us"  _

_ The sun set, the ground disappeared and Chan fell off the edge of the world into darkness.  _

Chan woke up with tears in his eyes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the heavy angst hkjgdglkf ;; i promise this won't be all sad there's sunny content coming soon :3c

**Author's Note:**

> Talk to my on twitter @chrystallix ;))))


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